Lauren continues, “I felt like I had to keep my mom’s new boyfriend a secret because my dad didn’t have a girlfriend for awhile.
When my dad asked me if my mom had a boyfriend, I didn’t know how to deal with it so I said I wasn’t sure.” Lauren’s story reminds us that children should never be used as a messenger between their parents post-divorce.
In principle, it states that a child has the right to maintain a stable relationship with both parents, even if they are separated or divorced, unless there is a recognized need to separate him/her from one or both parents.
Co-parenting, at its best, is a wonderful opportunity for children of divorce to have close to equal access to both parents – to feel it is okay to love both of their parents. Joan Kelly, a renowned psychologist reminds us that the outcomes for children of divorce improve when they have positive bonds with both parents.
For example, the younger child will adjust better if they are not transitioning between houses too frequently and adolescents usually want more control over their schedule due to school, activities, and time with friends.
They may develop resentment toward you if they can’t make some decisions about their schedule.
You may not know how to get your crush’s attention, or even how to find the right boy in the first place.Studies show that conflict is what creates the most pain and anguish for children after their parents split, and that keeping parental disagreements to a minimum is a key aspect of helping kids become resilient.However, very few experts discuss the drawbacks of co-parenting when parents don’t get along or have high conflict relationships. Edward Kruk, children of divorce benefit from strong and healthy relationships with both parents and they need to be shielded from their parents’ conflicts.This may include special events, graduations – and perhaps even weddings.It’s important to keep clear boundaries so that your children wouldn’t harbor fantasies that you will reconcile.